Your Natural Stoic Joy

When I was growing up, I often heard the word ‘stoic’ in the context of not showing emotion, or even not feeling it. I had to become a philosopher and read the stoics to learn that was wrong.

My favorite stoic teachers—Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, and Epictetus—seemed to think that we have, as our deep natural state, a sort of joy. This joy in living, in being a part of such a wondrous world, in being with others under the warmth of the sun, or amid the nightly spectacle of the sparkling stars, should be our default position, our resting state, and our ordinary possession. But many of us, they suggested, have allowed it to be lost because of worry, fear, concern, anxiety, upset, irritation, anger and a host of other negative emotions that rush at us, day after day. Some of us are even pulled away from that natural joy by what we might think of as positive emotions like exuberance and excitement and passion. When even positive feelings become too strong, or are sparked by the wrong things, we can be dislodged from the joy that’s meant to be ours.

So the stoics urged us to be guardians of our souls, protectors of that natural joy. We should be skeptics and doubters in the face of anything that might take it away. And that’s a challenge. I just went through one of those medical tests where, for a man of my age, there could have been something that severely challenged the joy. But there was what we call by contrast good news instead. And yet the stoics cautioned us on thinking any news was in itself either good or bad. They wanted to reserve those terms for the states of our own souls, and never apply them to externals. While we may not be so extreme as they were in this regard, I get their point. We too easily rush to judgment about what seems good or what seems bad. And this alienates us from our joy. But in the end, what is good for us or bad for us may turn on what we make of it in the long run. And we can act best to be spiritual alchemists when we’re in that state of joy.

As you read the news today, or hear someone say something that disturbs you, don’t grab it and hold it close, but loosen your grip on it emotionally. Let it go enough to return to that state of mind and heart our stoic friends would wish for you. Then, you can be your best as you do and feel and create.

Proper Pride: From Out of Africa

In the great book, Out of Africa, written by author Karen Blixen under the penname of "Isak Denisen," there is a section called “From an Immigrant’s Notebook,” and a short piece within that notebook on pride. Here is an excerpt for your potential pondering.

The neighborhood of the Game Reserve and the presence, outside our boundary, of the big game, gave a particular character to the farm, as if we had been neighbors of a great king. Very proud things were about, and made their nearness felt.

The barbarian loves his own pride, and hates, or disbelieves in, the pride of others. I will be a civilized being, I will love the pride of my adversaries, of my servants, and my lover; and my house shall be, in all humility, in the wilderness a civilized place.

Pride is faith in the idea that God had, when he made us.  A proud man is conscious of the idea, and aspires to realize it.  He does not strive towards happiness, or comfort, which may be irrelevant to God’s idea of him. His success is the idea of God, successfully carried through, and he is in love with his destiny. As the good citizen finds his happiness in the fulfillment of his duty to the community, so does the proud man find his happiness in the fulfillment of his fate.

People who have no pride are not aware of any idea of God in the making of them, and sometimes they make you doubt that there has ever been much of an idea, or else it has been lost, and who shall find it again? They have got to accept as success what others warrant to be so, and to take their happiness, and even their own selves, at the quotation of the day. They tremble, with reason, before their fate.

 Love the pride of God beyond all things, and the pride of your neighbors as your own. The pride of lions: do not shut them up in Zoos. The pride of your dogs: let them not grow fat. Love the pride of your fellow-partisans, and allow them no self-pity.

Love the pride of the conquered nations, and leave them to honour their father and their mother.

Hill A and Hill B Insight

This past week, I had a new and very different insight connected with a story I’ve told many times. It involved a novel interpretation of a powerpoint drawing I’ve long used to illustrate the story. The point I normally use the drawing to make is the philosophical advice that we should not allow what is very good to keep us from what is best. While a vision of the best should never be an enemy of the good and prevent our enjoyment of it, in its own time, the comfort and proper pride of something good we’ve attained should also not keep us from exploring new heights of achievement. Life is supposed to be a series of adventures. A first good form of success shouldn’t imprison us, but rather empower us to go on and try even higher, or richer, levels of achievement.

The powerpoint slide in question shows two hills, as above, one of medium height and another some distance away that’s of much greater height. I call the shorter one, Hill A, and the taller one, Hill B. And here’s the usual story.

Imagine that you’re on a hike out in the woods and you’re leading a group of people. Suppose you set it as your goal to get to the highest point in the area, from which you’ll be able to survey all the surrounding terrain. And imagine that the highest point you can now see is the peak of Hill A. Whether it’s fog, or mist, or just perspective that blocks any other view, that’s the highest peak you can see from where you are initially. So, in order to attain your goal, you lead the group up Hill A. It’s a struggle. You slip and fall and pull yourselves back up, and finally you get to the top, from which vantage point you can now suddenly see the much higher Hill B. 

At this point in the story, I like to ask: If your goal is to get to the highest point in the area, and you now stand atop Hill A, where you can suddenly see that the highest point is really on Hill B, then what’s the first thing you’ll have to do to attain your true goal? And people inevitably answer, “Go downhill.” And I reply that, yes, they’re right. I also point out that when any leader suggests such a thing, nearly everyone on the team will tend to say or think, “No! It took us a long time to get up Hill A! It’s perfectly fine up here! We’re plenty high! We can see a lot from where we already are! We shouldn’t have to go downhill now at all! We should just stay and enjoy where we are.” It’s nearly universal. Nobody wants to go downhill.

My usual point is that many businesses, individuals, and even families are stuck on their own Hill A, because of the common reluctance to go downhill—which metaphorically represents changing what you’ve just been doing, leaving behind what might be a perfectly good success that you’ve had, and launching into the risk of trying something new and even better. Of course, any new journey will in its initial stage involve getting out of the proverbial comfort zone, and putting yourself into a new position where you’re deserting something good. Because of this, too many companies get stuck in their first form of success and nobody wants to go downhill, which is the only way to change, adapt, and discover new and better forms of achievement. And so the world passes them by. Champions, however, love a challenge, and are open to start the downhill trek as the first and necessary stage in any new and bigger ascent.

The novel insight I just had was simple and revelatory. A panel discussion right before I spoke recently and used this story was on the topic of adversity and overcoming failures in business. I then realized that there’s another way to use my drawing. Many people high up on Hill A get shoved off their place of success by circumstances and are pushed down the side, whether by economic factors they had never anticipated, or the actions of competitors, or changes in the industry. What they were doing and so proud of succeeding at is no longer available, and they find themselves tumbling down the side of Hill A.

Here’s the flash of good news: The sooner you can reframe the descent down Hill A as the first stage in a possible ascent of a higher Hill B, the sooner you turn that downward trajectory into something great: PROGRESS. You’re no longer just tumbling down, you’re moving forward. 

When you set new goals during bad times, you begin to take charge of what you can control, and leave aside what you can’t control. And you can then expand that circle. Tough times can become positive transitions if you make them so. Adversity can contain within itself a gift, and even a momentum that can take you to somewhere great, if you’ll just intervene by reframing your situation and setting new goals. This is stoic wisdom. It’s philosophical insight that you can use. So, whether you’re flourishing or falling, look for the next higher hill, and set a goal to get there.

Respect. Honor. Goodwill. An Election Day Thought.

Respect, honor, and goodwill.

Friends! Remember in all your interactions with others today, the qualities of respect, honor, and goodwill. If the other person doesn't deserve these things, you do deserve them: to respect yourself in word and deed, honor the best within you, and lead the way in goodwill. Neither the weight of the world, nor the demands of national justice should be on your shoulders today. Dig deep. Reach high. Make yourself proud of your own kindness and grace in demeanor, tone, and word.

I've already had to turn the other cheek once this morning. I wanted to tell the guy to kiss that cheek, long and hard. But I didn't. I wished him well and offered a blessing. Remember Polonius and Hamlet, when the prince has just suggested that he treat some men well:

Polonius: My lord, I will use them according to their desert.

Hamlet: God's bodkins, man, much better! Use every man after his desert, and who should 'scape hanging? Use them after your own honor and dignity; the less they deserve, the more merit is in your bounty. Take them in.

Let's set an example today for how a person should act under trying and challenging circumstances. You may hear things that nearly make your blood boil. Overcome them with the power of your inner spirit. That person has likely lost or damaged theirs. You're the one who can set the example. 

Good Wishes for a Great Day. And may God bless America, not in accordance with our merit, but out of the abundance of divine bounty!

Little Things

Sometimes, it amazes me how little I've been able to accomplish in my 64 years, so far. And that puts things into perspective. I think that if I could live to be 250 or 300 years old, I might be able to get something done and make a real difference for others. But of course, that would depend on medical science giving me its own little boost along the way. Fountain of Youth Researchers out there, get busy. Otherwise, 200 year old philosophers aren't exactly yet known for ongoing beneficial achievements.

Psychologists warn us about comparing ourselves to others. But the real warning should be about comparing our actual life accomplishments, whatever they might be, against the vastness of the possibilities that necessarily elude our grasp. We're always like Sir Isaac Newton, merely playing with a few seashells on the shore while that ocean of potential lies out there, still forever unexplored.

My daughter just did some pumpkin-carving art for Halloween at our house that's really world-class sculpture. I mentioned to her that people should be lining up to pay thousands of dollars for these ephemeral works of art, and she laughed and said that she'd be lucky if more than four people ever see them. I know how she felt. I've written philosophy articles in the technical academic journals like that, hidden away on remote library shelves. But you know, when I reflect on it more, I have to admit that I'm even prepared to write entire books like that. Why not? We do what we do, and we always hope for the best as a result. But the best isn't essentially about changing the world on some grand scale. It could be about delighting one person, or a few. It could be like that mythic little pebble tossed into a huge calm lake and creating its tiny ripples that, at some point unseen, keep going. Whether we toss our small stones out into the lake of life for 30 years, or 90 years, or 300, their ripples may yet go where they are meant to go, and do what they're meant to do, whether we ever see their results, or not. We're never in a good position ourselves to say, at least on this side of the pond. 

So I'll draw a conclusion. It's quite Ok to accomplish little things. Even if it may take a lot longer than you think.

Difficulty and Heroic Success

I flew to Austin, Texas recently, after talking to 100 doctors here in town, to speak to 300 bankers and software experts about success in changing times. On the four planes to get there and back, I read the amazing new book, Shoe Dog, by Phil Knight, about the founding of Nike, the great shoe and sports apparel company. Phil experienced more troubles, difficulties, bad surprises, terrible developments and unexpected shocks along the way than I've ever heard about in any business or work story. I told my wife that in every chapter it's almost like being chased by a rabid dog and escaping at the last second only to be hit by a car, having the EMTs come to get you and, on your way to the hospital, the ambulance gets swept away into a raging stream. When you finally get airlifted out of the river and make it to the ER, the building catches on fire around you. That would almost be one of Knight's good days in trying to start his company. And yet he kept plugging away. And he intuitively used a lot of ancient wisdom in his quest.
 
In case you don't know my 7 Cs of Success, or do and yet would benefit from having them in front of you for a moment, here they are.

In any challenge, with any worthy goal, we need:

C1: A clear CONCEPTION of what we want, a goal vividly imagined

C2: A strong CONFIDENCE that we can attain the goal

C3: A focused CONCENTRATION on what it will take to get there

C4: A stubborn CONSISTENCY in pursuing our vision

C5: An emotional COMMITMENT to the importance of what we're doing

C6: A good CHARACTER to guide us and keep us on a proper course

C7: A CAPACITY TO ENJOY the process along the way.

You can see all 7 Cs of Success at play in Phil Knight's heroic responses to awful situations, again and again. For years, he made almost no money and it constantly looked like his fledgling enterprise would go under and he'd lose his home and everything he'd worked for. Then, after fighting more battles than you can imagine, he was able to take the company public. By the end of the book, he was able to change sports in America and even our overall culture in many ways. Plus, he winds up with a personal financial worth of over 10 billion dollars—a result he hadn't even sought.
 
Well, we don't all get that pay-day, for sure, but Phil gives us an amazing example of how to persist and perform, day-to-day, even when things are so challenging that others can't imagine how we continue. It has to come from a strong belief and conviction that we're doing something vital and important, something meaningful that makes a difference. When your talents are matched up with a great quest, incredible things can happen. So be of good cheer, and keep hope alive, as you use the wisdom of the ages to power yourself forward!

The Peace of Mind From Living Deeply

Here’s a short conversation I want to share because of its relevance in our current political season. It’s a sneak preview from page 106 in my next book, The Stone of Giza, that’s due out soon, in November. The setting is 1934 in Cairo, Egypt. Thirteen year old Walid and his best friend, the younger but precocious Mafulla, are having breakfast together and talking. You may or may not yet know these characters from the previous books, The Oasis Within and The Golden Palace.

The boys have been talking about the Greek philosophers and their insights about life. The topic of superficiality has come up, and by contrast, what it’s like to live more deeply than just skimming the surface of life.

Walid is in mid-thought when he says:

“I had a talk with Uncle Ali once when he said that maybe life is toughest on the surface and much less difficult for those who live more deeply. It’s like what people say about the ocean.”

“What?”

“That there can be huge waves and churning on the surface, but deep down it’s calm.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. The storms happen on the surface, but not far down below.”

“Oh, yeah. Ok. I see what you’re saying. Maybe people who live more deeply feel the troubles of life less and so have less need for trivial relaxations.”

“Yep. That’s what I’m thinking.”

“So it’s living superficially that wears people out because that’s where all the turbulence is.”

“Yeah.”

“And whenever the surface dwellers do confront anything hard or challenging and try to understand it, however little time they end up spending on that philosophical quest, they just don’t do it right—they don’t know how to because they’re out of their depth—and even a little bit of that sort of thought wears them out completely. And then they go running to something really trivial or superficial for rest.”

Walid pondered this for a moment. “I think you’re right. People who don’t ordinarily live life deeply can get all worked up about the least thing when they’re talking religion or politics or philosophy or life. They get all stressed and emotionally wear themselves out for no good reason. It’s like they think they have to protect themselves by either pushing away the issues or else really defending their opinions, whatever they might be. They get all resistant and hostile, and that’s always exhausting.”

Mafulla nodded and said, “It can get emotional pretty fast.”

Walid continued, “People who act that way just don’t realize that you sometimes have to relax into the search for truth, open your mind, and be ready to embrace a new sense of reality.”

“Good point.”

“There’s no reason to be afraid of new perspectives and new truth. Living in the truth is the best protection of all, the safest thing there is. And anyone who can help me do that, maybe by opening my eyes, or helping me change and correct wrong beliefs or attitudes—that person does me a great favor. And I can’t benefit from others in this way unless I relax a little and listen and really open my mind.”

Mafulla replied, “Yeah, it’s a bit like what Masoon says about judo and using energy in a fight.”

“What do you mean?”

“When someone comes at you, sometimes the best move is to relax and lie back and let the blow develop—don’t resist it, don’t meet it with more force, but let it play out, and then see what’s next. People often debate deep issues in religion and philosophy like they’re fighting for their lives and they’ve got to be tense and forceful, or they just get mad and walk away.”

“That’s true.”

“The strange thing is that it would often be best for them not to do any of that at all, but to be open and allow the new ideas to come, and let them develop and play out and then see what’s next.”

“Yeah. And there’s another thing about the Greeks and us.”

“What?”

“Lots of people, at least as adults, just seem to have no genuine curiosity about the world. The ancient Greeks were wide-open curious about everything.”

“You got that right, my very curious friend and fellow philosopher.”

“Thanks. If people would just let us, we could set them all straight real quick.” Walid looked serious and then grinned.

Gisele and The Power of Positive Energy

The New York Times just ran a remarkable piece on the Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen. As she was reflecting on her early days in modeling, Gisele says:

"In the beginning, you know, everyone told me, 'Your eyes are too small, the nose is too big, you can never be on a magazine cover."

Then she adds:

"But, you know what? The big nose comes with a big personality."

The experts were completely wrong, as experts very often are when faced with something new. Gisele's net worth as a model is now estimated to exceed 300 million dollars, and Forbes puts her daily income at around $128,000. She's also appeared eleven times on the cover of American Vogue. The Times reporter is surprised when she says, "My career was never based on pretty." But then the designer Angela Missoni explains:

"With Gisele, there is something different, her energy. Of course, she is super beautiful, but she has this charisma, this presence, this very sexy normality."

Gisele herself attributes her extraordinary success to her energy, hard work, and innate positive attitude that finds the best in any bad situation. Others comment on her grit and ability to rise to the occasion, whatever the circumstances. And it could very well be that the very "imperfections" or "flaws" that everyone complained about at first were actually among the secrets of her success. She had a new and different look. And her inner spirit lit up all the cameras that were turned in her direction.

Of course, there are numerous lessons in such a story. First, that the experts and gatekeepers in almost any industry or walk of life are probably among the least likely to see and appreciate something new and great that comes their way. In politics, fashion, and almost everywhere else, the experts are often among those most baffled by the next new thing.

Second, the inner is more important than the outer in almost any quest for success. Energy, grit, hard work, and a positive attitude can take any of us far.

Third, those things that other people consider to be your flaws might just be important stepping stones to future success. My friend Dave Rendall has a very good book on this called The Freak Factor, and is busy traveling the world explaining to people the strange and yet common alchemy of turning weakness into strength.

Many people are writing recently to tell me about passages early on in my new book The Oasis Within that are helping them greatly to deal with the sort of negativity and obstacles that Gisele initially faced in her career. I'm so happy to hear that the conversations of my characters are making a difference with wisdom people can use! If you have had a good experience with the book but haven't yet let me know, please write me through the website TomVMorris.com and share your story!

A Sunday Reflection on Religion and Faith

I've been away from blogging for a couple of months. I first took a break in honor of the holidays. And then I got busy editing my new series of novels for a quicker than normal schedule of publication. I hope you've already seen the prologue to the series, the book The Oasis Within. It's been out for a few months. And just this week, the first numbered volume in the series Walid and the Mysteries of Phi, The Golden Palace, appeared on Amazon. In two or three months, I hope to have volume two out as well, The Stone of Giza. 

I'm almost done in my editing of the eight books I've already written for the series. And today, Sunday, I want to share a passage I just edited. Even though the books are set mainly in Egypt, certain things happen in faraway places, like Tunisia, or Berlin, or New York City. This passage comes from a story line in numbered Book Seven, The Ancient Scroll. The setting is New York City in 1935 at a Methodist Church. The minister, Bob Archdale, is working on a sermon. We get a chance to see into his head and heart as he makes notes. I hope you enjoy this passage.

Bob at the moment was in his office preparing his sermon for the next morning. He was planning to talk on the nature of faith and how it’s more about perception and values and commitment than just belief. He had decided to use as his biblical text the famous meeting at night between Jesus and the Jewish Rabbinical leader Nicodemus, as reported in the Gospel of John, chapter three. At a time when most of the religious establishment either disliked or feared Jesus, this prominent teacher had gone to see him at night, when, presumably his visit would not be public knowledge. He approached the controversial figure and actually said, “Teacher, some of us know that you were sent by God, because no one could do the things you do without divine support.” And then Jesus, rather than acknowledging the scholar’s rare open-minded reasoning and remarkable belief, says something instead that can be very puzzling on more than one level. His words in response were: “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a man is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” Nicodemus is of course perplexed and says, “How can anyone return to the womb and be born a second time?” And then Jesus answers in such a way as to indicate that his entire ministry and mission aren’t primarily about reasoning and belief, but personal transformation into what’s really a new life, with new perceptions, values, and commitments.

Bob knew that, at almost any time, many of the people in his church were showing up, week-to-week, to make a deal with God. They would believe whatever they needed to believe, and do whatever they needed to do, in order to gain divine favor and everlasting life. Some were likely just hedging their bets and maybe living out the famous Agnostic’s Prayer: “Oh God, if there is a God, please save my soul, if there is a soul.” They were there in an effort to perhaps improve their lot and maybe defeat death. But God wanted them there to defeat spiritual blindness and deafness and idolatry and selfishness. He wanted to see them born anew, raised from the death of alienation and separation and selfishness to a new life of union with him and each other. He wanted an eternal life for them now, which was more about quality than it was about quantity. 

He really wanted to get this point across to everyone who showed up for the service. The faith they were being called to embrace is about new life, new values, and new commitments lived all day, every day. He wanted them to understand that when the insistent felt needs of the untutored ego can be released, its real needs can be met. And then, we can experience the genuine power of humility, compassion, and deep faith. The reverend was hoping to get all this across in a persuasive and illuminating way, so that at least many of the members of his congregation could perhaps see the issues of faith in a new and richer light.

When people approach religion for what they can get out of it, they ironically make it nearly impossible to get the most out of it. It becomes a tool—an instrument the ego is merely using to enhance its own interests, whether those interests are healthy or not. That’s why we’ve had so much war and violence and oppression in the name of religion throughout history. These things have nothing to do with true spirituality, but are perversions or deformations of what faith and the quest of the spirit are supposed to be all about. We often come across people pursuing their own greed, with their own ambitions, and superstitiously seeking to assuage their worst fears under a false patina of religious language, ritual, and sentiment. And this wasn’t just a danger for other times and places, Archdale knew, but it’s a temptation for any of us unless we can come to a true understanding of spiritual things.

On the Team: The NFL and You.

I’m sitting in the Little Rock Airport at Burger King. It’s 9:40 AM and time for lunch. Yeah, that’s how messed up you get when you travel too much. So, a guy in a brightly colored pro football team T-shirt walks by and stops when he sees another guy wearing a different team’s jersey. He gives the stranger a thumbs up and says, “You guys did real good the other day.” And then I hear:

“Yeah, thanks.”

“You got a great defense.”

“It’s been a surprise. We didn’t know we’d be this good.”

“Well it was a nice win.”

“Yeah, thanks, we needed it. And you guys are going to be Ok.”

“We got to work on offense a little more.”

“Yeah. It’ll happen. You’ll be fine.”

And so it went on, for a little longer, as if these semi-portly middle-aged men shuffling through the airport with roller-bags were themselves players or back office executives at their respective NFL teams. There was a sense of identity and belonging that got my attention. All the “you guys” and the “we” references spoke to a deep human need for affiliation. What’s really interesting is that we don’t often get that need met in our neighborhoods, or churches, or workplaces where we spend most of our time, but in connection with favored sporting teams.

Something that distinctively impressed me about these two men was their affable spirit. The other team was something to be respected, and even admired, and not at all disliked, and so was the fan of that team. They spoke of their respective tribes like they were really involved, first hand, in tribal activities. And I suppose they actually are, in their own ways. Not everyone who is part of the action has to be on the turf, wearing protective equipment.

We should remember this deep need for belonging, or for affiliation. If we can cultivate more of it at work, we can connect up with deep resources in the human spirit that need to be called into play for the best results to happen.

And then, who knows? We may make it to the playoffs.

The Superfluity of Worry

I have an old friend who once told me that it's his job to worry. My first thought was simple: That's not a job I'd ever apply for or aspire to have.

Worry never adds anything positive that can't be had more directly and without the anxiety. Does worrying make you more cautious? Just be more cautious. Does it make you really pay attention to a situation? Simply pay more attention. Does it goad you to double check, or be more creative, or get in gear and take action? Ditto. Ditto. Ditto. Anything we think worry produces can be had without the worry. So: Why worry?

As an emotion, it's superfluous, redundant, and useless. And it takes energy. Plus, I really believe it erodes the calm clarity of thought required to unravel a complex challenge and arrive at an optimal solution to a knotty problem. It's also unpleasant. And it makes you no fun to be around.

So, I've decided to shed it as much as I can. I'm on the lookout for it. I try to become aware of it, as soon as it creeps into my sensibilities and dismiss it as unneeded. "Thanks, but I can get on just fine without your help today."

And when you think about it, so many of our negative emotions have the same problem. Any good they produce can be had another way. So, perhaps we can appreciate what they're trying to accomplish for us, and yet briskly send them on their way.

Their particular companionship seems not to enhance my enjoyment of life or my positive impact in it. I think that a moment's introspection may deliever to you the same realization. And then deliver you from worry.

I hope so. And hope is something that's not at all superfluous to a good and happy life.

Glory

The word 'glory' is interesting. It's old-fashioned. But it's important. Maybe it's even a key to our deepest fulfillment. And it's a word that's rarely used in our time.

I knew a man twenty-five years ago who brought it to work every day. He was a janitor, a custodian in a building of a hundred PhDs. He vacuumed up, emptied trash cans, and washed windows. But really, he was a custodian of souls. And when any of those PhDs was having a bad day, they went looking for him, for just a chat. To maybe feel, for a moment, something that could turn around their heart, and their day. It was something that shone through that man. And everyone felt it.

Glory. To me, it connotes a dazzling fullness of greatness and love. With that in mind, here's a thought. Maybe our highest calling is to bring glory into whatever we do. But we can't accomplish that when the smallness of a swollen ego gets in the way. Again, humility and nobility work together. Then you get, sometimes, glory. And everyone is lifted up. Amen?

Can You Be The Hero?

What does it take to be a hero? On a train, in a crowd, or in the quiet of your office? If you're ever in a situation of great peril or stress, can you step up and be the hero?

Lots of popular books and films are about apparently ordinary people who are thrust into situations of danger and step up to act courageously. Think of Harry Potter, Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games, Tris Prior in Divergent, or the Bruce Willis character in all those old Die Hard movies, An ordinary person is pushed into an extraordinary situation and steps up. 

I've just published a book called The Oasis Within, which is the prologue volume to a new series of novels where one of the main themes is how we can be prepared for greatness. One philosopher who has read that first book has written me that it's the first portrayal of a hero that really digs down deep into how a grounding in the right wisdom can equip any of us for more heroic action. 

There's an interesting article about this in the New York Times. Professor David Rand with his colleague Ziv Epstein studied 51 winners of the Carnegie Medal for Heroism and came to a conclusion that surprised them. The overwhelming majority of heroes who act to save another person or to otherwise do what needs to be done in a tense and pressure filled situation, do not deliberate or think it through carefully before doing anything, but instead act instinctively, intuitively, and fast.

There's an old saying. "He who hesitates is lost." That seems to apply to many situations of great value and risk. We often think of ethics and morality as all about rational decision making, as if the moral agent must first weigh all the values involved in a situation and then choose which to prioritize and pursue. Wrong. The late Iris Murdoch, philosopher and novelist, wrote a fascinating little book called The Sovereignty of Good. In it, she says that, typically, at the moment of moral decision making, the precise moment we choose this or that, the decision has already long been made by what we've been doing, valuing, thinking about, feeling, and paying attention to, in the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years preceding that moment. Most big decisions, and especially those involving some measure of courage or boldness, aren't deliberated at all, but simply arise out of who we are, or what we've become prior to the point of action. We do this or that because we are already committed to this or that, or because we already are this or that. 

Our actions show who we are. They arise from within, and in a way that can be quick and intuitive.

The Americans on that high speed French train recently didn't hold a short seminar on the costs and benefits of all the possibilities and alternative potential responses available when they noticed the guy with the gun. They saw it and somebody said "Let's go." They took action. That's normally the trajectory of heroism. It sees a need and acts to meet the need. So, when you find yourself deliberating extensively over some choice, weighing the pros and cons, chances are that you're not getting ready to be a hero. The hero simply sees and does. The lesson for us is then simple. We need to be preparing ourselves carefully to do the right thing instantly when such a situation arises.

Are you paying attention to the right things, day-to-day? Are you valuing the truly best things? Are your feelings guided by real wisdom? Do you have enlightened commitments, or is the culture getting under your skin a little bit, to encourage selfish superficiality, personal aloofness, or short term ease? We become what we habitually do, in the life of the mind, the emotions, and in our actions. Today, you can begin to create the moral hero within who will act fast and instinctively tomorrow. Or you can deepen and reinforce the good tendencies you already have. It's up to you.

The Diary of Walid: On Thoughts, Feelings, and Difficulties

This is our second day of sharing excerpts from "The Diary of Walid" at the end of my new book The Oasis Within. This thirteen-year-old boy notes down at the end of the day what he's learned from his uncle or from what he's experienced since he woke up. In doing so, he's following the example of Marcus Aurelius, emperor of Rome, who asked himself every evening, "What have I learned today?" and took down notes in answer. Those notes became the amazing book The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius, a bestseller throughout the centuries that provides great wisdom for living. By reflecting and writing, however briefly, we can clarify and solidify the insights that events can provide us, if we pay attention. In this time of tumultuous stock market events, Walid's insights can speak to us powerfully.

Many things have two powers – they can be helpful or harmful. It’s often up to us which role they play.

Most situations also have a double potential, for good or ill. We would be wise to keep that in mind.

It’s important in life to pay attention all the time – to look, listen, and learn.

We should discipline our thoughts and feelings, then listen when they suggest that something’s not right.

Most dangers in the world will provide us with some kind of warning, if we’re alert and aware.

Emotions, like most other things, can help us or harm us. We need to learn when to act on them, and when to resist them for a greater good.

Great things are accomplished by great thoughts. Our thoughts can be very powerful.

A good attitude about difficulties, combined with a wise perspective, can help us overcome any trouble.

We should be more surprised when things don’t change than when they do. If we expect change, we can deal with it better.

We shouldn’t worry about what we can’t control. We should focus on what we can control and make the best of it.

It’s important to live fully each day.

The Forgotten Ideal of Maturity

There's an old ideal that we seem to have forgotten throughout much of our culture. What I have in mind is maturity. Say the word now and people think: Senior Citizen, old age, wrinkles, slowing down, and worse. But it wasn't always that way.

Maturity. What is it? Actually, I think maturity is a quality, or characteristic comprised of many others, like, for example: Compassion, Kindness, Consideration, Equanimity or Inner Peace, Wisdom, Prudence, Perspective, Practicality, Honesty, perhaps a proper Awe regarding existence, and what some call "Hardihood" - the ability to persist in the face of difficulty, a capacity to endure hardship without constant complaint or a feeling of victimization. A mature person is not quick to anger. Such a person isn't careless with actions, thoughts, or feelings. Maturity rises to a level of appreciation and gratitude concerning all the good and beautiful things in life, while accepting the existence of limits and imperfections in the world. A mature person may want and work hard to change and improve the things around them, but they won't wallow in irritation, resentment, and frustration about those things that need changing.

For most of history, throughout most civilizations and societies, people have regarded maturity as something to aspire to, hope for, and respect. In past times, many would often actually try to act more mature than their age might indicate should be expected. That occasionally happens still, but in very limited contexts, as for example when someone is trying to get his or her first job. But immaturity, by contrast, now seems to nearly rule the culture. We see lots of people acting less mature than their age would lead us to expect. Turn on a reality TV show. Or consider standard political behavior. Or, you could just simply listen in on conversations in your favorite restaurant or bar. 

The ancient philosopher Diogenes was said to walk around everywhere during the daytime, carrying a lighted lamp, or lantern. Asked what he was doing, he liked to say, "Looking for an honest man." In our own time, he would have nearly as endless a trek looking for real maturity.

A clarification is needed here. We're a youthful culture. We celebrate the young and a great many of the things that young people like. Many of us try to keep such things in our lives. And that can be very good. It's perfectly possible to be youthful without being immature. There's an important difference. I knew a famous scholar at Yale, a world renown historian, who at the age of 89 was stunningly youthful, and lots of fun, but not at all immature.

Immaturity is wrapped up in ego, a sense of entitlement, a lack of responsibility, and a tendency toward anger, as well as an inclination to delight in the flaws and sufferings of others. Immature people are prone to whining, resenting, and feeling slighted when others aren't suitably celebrating their specialness. Immature people throw fits and tantrums, regardless of age. They also tend to be as callous toward others as they are fragile in their own sense of need.

When you consider immaturity closely enough, you come to understand why its opposite was for so long an admired ideal. And it makes you wonder how we ever got so far away from an appreciation of what it is to be truly mature.

Maturity is about proper growth and exemplary health. We should encourage it in others and seek to enhance it in our own lives. If you disagree, that's perfectly fine ... for a poopie head.

Patient Waiting

Patience means waiting. But waiting doesn't necessarily mean not doing. We all understand the former. And yet, few seem to grasp the latter.

There are times when we need to be still and at peace, take a break, and rest from our work, while simply allowing the world its turn to play a role in our endeavors. Every quest for achievement in the world is a partnership with powers that go beyond our own. And often it takes patience to allow our partner to do the work that we can't do alone. We have a phrase, "Watch and Wait." We've done all we can. We've tossed our little toy boat into the stream. Will it float? We await the results.

Waiting. It's something we might do in repose, on a beach, in a hammock, or utterly relaxed in a comfortable chair. We can wait on a yoga mat, or even while taking a nap.

But waiting does not have to be an utterly passive state. It's not the same thing as being inert, frozen, now helpless, and without options for action. "Waiting" is a verb. And it can connote all sorts of different actions. 

Waiting. It's a good time to pray, or play, or otherwise turn away from the focus of activity that has otherwise occupied us. A cook puts a pot on the stove. And then it's the pot's turn to boil. Sometimes, the cook can merely turn away to chat, or check email, or sit and sip coffee while gazing at the garden outside. Waiting can take many forms. And, of course, in some of those forms, the cook can stay quite busy in the kitchen.

Waiting often means preparing.

You've done all that you can do to get the project out there into the potential client's hands. Now, you wait. What does that require? Well, it can mean preparing for the positive go-ahead you hope to receive, and in this way playing a different role in the process, getting yourself ready for the success you want. There will be a next step. So, while you wait, you prepare for whatever is next. Waiting here takes the form of preparation. And at other times, it can mean just turning your attention elsewhere, while allowing the water to heat.

So, in the most general sense, there are two forms of waiting. One does involve resting. But the other involves a different form of doing. Either can help equip you for whatever is to come. But neither will serve you well if it's heavily spiced with hot anxiety. And that, for many people, is the problem. 

You're awaiting a decision. It could go either way. Uncertainty mixed with desire produces anxiety. Or you're awaiting a result that's not uncertain, but is not as yet in hand. Anticipation mixed with desire, or the very different aversion of fear, brings another form of anxiety. There are many ways in which waiting is fraught, tense, and hard. But, fortunately, there are two solutions to any such anxiety.

First, you can emotionally release the situation, whatever it is. Shed it. Let it go. Find a zen peace within. Trust God. Or reconcile yourself to the constant vicissitudes of the cosmos, as the stoics did. They believed that hardly anything is as good as it seems or as bad as it seems, so we should all just calm down. They understood that the discipline of waiting is largely the skill of governing our emotions well. But they also understood something else that's vital.

We all have to learn how to turn our attention from what we can't control to what we can control. And that's often facilitated by engaging in some new, and even slightly different, activity that engages our minds and hearts while we wait. Maybe it's in preparation for the result we want, or the one we'd prefer to avoid, or both. At other times, it's another activity altogether, perhaps one that has nothing to do with the focus of our concern. That doing then becomes a useful and happy distraction that can ease the worry, or the anticipation, which otherwise can be so tough. Action can displace agitation. And action can be the form that waiting takes.

If you have trouble waiting for things, analyze what exactly the problem is, and then take the proper action to solve it. For as you see, action can be just what waiting needs.

Blogging By Ballpoint Pen

I'm sitting alone in a hallway outside the ballroom of a great resort where I'll be speaking in a few minutes. The session before mine is running long. So, I wait. Most people would be on their iPhones now. I'm just relaxing. And in my relaxed state, I get an idea - which happens pretty often. So, I reach into my speaking bag, where I carry laminated wallet cards, Snickers Bars, an extra pair of glasses, some hand sanitizer, and other assorted necessities for being in front of a lot of people, and pull out that rare tool of bloggers - a Bic pen.

I usually leave my iPhone back in the hotel room. Whenever I can, I choose to be untethered to it all. It's not like I'll ever have mere seconds for the launching of a philosophical missive. My communication connection to the world isn't ordinarily a thing of great urgency. Plus, being unplugged allows for more contemplation. And inner peace. I'm not listening for the next notification ding and poised to reply that instant. I'm at ease. And my blogging tool in this instance isn't distracting me constantly with other options for its use and my attention. Of course, life can't be all ink and paper, all the time, or you wouldn't be reading this. But it still can be, sometimes. And those times are special.

My use of a pen isn't about smart phone avoidance. It's about moderation. And in our connected world, moderation is something we're forgetting, to our detriment. At the holiest spot in ancient Greece, the Oracle at Delphi, two vital pieces of advice were inscribed in marble:

Know Yourself.

Nothing in Excess.

These are great reminders of two basic necessities for a happy and flourishing life. And our frantic pace make both difficult for us to live out, day-to-day. My ballpoint pen helps me slow it all down, get back in touch with some deeper thoughts, and clear my mind for what's ahead.

Ah. There's the applause. The session's ending. I'm up next.

Now it's time to go have a little fun dishing out some of the great wisdom from the great thinkers. But, of course, in moderation.

This blog post powered by Bic.

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Friendly Encouragement

How often are we tempted to pressure people to get better at what they're doing? How much do we actually do it? Maybe we push. Or we pull. We criticize and lay down the law. We demand. Some of us may even threaten. Well, not me. And, likely, not you. But it's too common, isn't it?

We want to get better, ourselves. We want to grow. And we want our kids, and our colleagues, and our employees, to get better, as well. But can we push and pull and force it?

Consider a garden. The plants aren't growing fast enough for you. You're wanting more. What are you going to do, grab them and pull? That's obviously not going to work. And it won't with people, either.

People grow best with friendly encouragement and guidance.

Yeah, I know. There are some people who don't respond to friendly encouragement or guidance. So why do you have anything to do with them? Move on. Or move them on.

Friendly encouragement is one of the best things we can give good people.

So: Encourage someone today. Help them fly higher.

The Purpose of Fear

One of the greatest pieces of advice ever given is this: Seek to live from love, not from fear. Over the long run, a few important things are true. Love expands us. Fear contracts us. A life mainly guided by fear is a small, shrunken substitute for what it could have been. 

But most of us can't completely avoid the experience of fear. And in this world, we probably shouldn't, anyway. So. In order to deal with it properly, we need to know its purpose. And here's a surprise.

The purpose of fear is to make us act. It's not to make us freeze.

Think about it: How many times do we ever find ourselves explaining someone's tremendous success in a challenging situation by saying, "She froze. That's why she prevailed."

The deer in the headlights doesn't escape danger by becoming motionless. The purpose of fear is to motivate action - often avoidance, sometimes preparation, always a new level of focused concentration. When we're trying something new where great gains or losses are at stake, fear will often arise. It's a certain form of emotional energy. The question then becomes: What do we do with it? Sometimes, it properly makes us stop and think and then proceed no farther. Often, it makes us stop and think and then proceed better. Courage can listen to fear but doesn't misunderstand it as nature's ultimate Stop Sign. Courage can be counseled by fear, but is never undermined by it.

When you next feel fear, let it make you act. Don't react in paralysis instead. Act. The right action may be a higher level of thinking, which, after all, is an action in its own right. Or what's called for could be a matter of physical movement. Fear isn't always our enemy, simply something to be overcome. It can be a stimulus to act properly, with consciousness, and focus. It can guide us to adapt, adjust, and act well.

It always signals the unknown. And the unknown is where the amazing can be found.

Just don't let fear stop you from acting at all. And remember, still, that the highest motivation is love. And perfect love, as we're told, casts out fear, even if it first feels it, and listens, and acts - it just never lets fear be the final word.

The Importance of Optimism

"We Need Optimists." That's the title of a front page Sunday Review essay in the New York Times this week by Arthur  C. Brooks, president of the American Enterprise Institute and author of the new book, The Conservative Heart. He starts off with a quick story. His son had made a really bad grade on a test. After a parent-teacher conference about it, Arthur's wife broke the silence in the car by saying, "At lease we know he didn't cheat." That glass is always half full for the optimist, and ready to be topped off.

Brooks reports recent psychological studies that indicate optimists are generally healthier than pessimists, and more resilient in the face of setbacks. Optimists also self-report greatest levels of perceived happiness. In my own analyses of human performance, I've learned that optimists tend to have a more complete form of access to all their resources, inner and outer, than pessimists.

If optimists are, generally, healthier, happier, more resilient, and more resourceful, then why wouldn't everyone seek to be one?

Well, first, there's The Cautionary Tale of the Irrational Optimist - the many examples that almost any of us can produce of people whose enthusiasm for life and their own ideas makes them oblivious to problems, obstacles, and the real probabilities of a situation. This is the mindset so thoroughly critiqued by Barbara Ehrenreich in her scathing book, Bright-Sided. But to be an optimist, you don't have to be a simpleminded idiot or a stubborn fool. In fact, it helps greatly not to be either. You can be a realistic optimist - and that turns out to be, not surprisingly, the best kind there is.

A realistic optimist moves forward with eyes wide open, seeing obstacles, understanding challenges, and yet maintaining a determination to be creative in solving all problems. The realistic optimist never just hopes for the best, or blithely assumes the best, but works hard to make the best happen, in full realization that it may take longer than it should, and be harder to accomplish than anyone could have imagined. But it's precisely the element of optimism that fuels a hopeful and persistent struggle forward. Optimists don't prematurely give up, or surrender, in their efforts to create good things. And optimists like me promote the optimistic mindset, just like I'm doing now. Why? We really believe it works and that it can work for you.

Of course, pessimists want to convert us all to their alternative way of thinking. And I've always wondered why they even try. Don't they have to believe they're unlikely to succeed? They are pessimists, after all.

Martin Seligman, in his classic study, Learned Optimism, argues that you don't have to be born sunny side up. You can become an optimist. And you can benefit greatly from adopting this pervasive attitude.  Plus, if you're already moderately optimistic, you can enhance that proclivity.

I just know you can.

I really do.