One of the most important things I came to realize in graduate school eons ago at Yale was that there are, throughout life, conditions and preconditions for knowing. The basic idea is simple. Not everyone can, at any given time, know just anything. Little kids don't know algebra. A six year old doesn't understand the job of a comptroller. The deeper realization is that, all through life, there are developmental conditions for knowing. The first time I looked through a microscope, I saw only my own eyelashes and some blurs. I didn't know how to look, or how to see in that context, properly.

Time and experience led me to understand that there are also moral, aesthetic, and spiritual conditions for knowing. If you've not grown in the right ways, you won't be able to see certain things, or understand them, even if you do see them.

For example, a malignant narcissist can't even understand what's wrong with his actions. He also can't fathom the motivations of altruism. Likewise, a superficial materialist can't understand things of the spirit. Even a religious person may not grasp the deeper matters and perspectives of faith. It depends on whether they've grown yet into the requisite conditions for knowing.

There's an assumption of epistemological egalitarianism in our world that's just false. We aren't all equals in knowing, at any given time. Some of us are farther along than others of us. But there is, in principle, an equality of opportunity to develop appropriately with regard to the basics needed for true wisdom in daily life. The road is there. We just need to walk it.

Remember this when you're in conversation with another person who just does not seem to "get" what you're talking about. There may be an epistemic gap, an incomprehension that can't in that moment be breached. Further growth is needed. Patience may be required. And compassion.